Conlocutio

All done

2009-10-03T19:13:00.003-05:00

Ok, this is all done. Can't believe it's been a year already. Visit me on South City Musings (or perhaps on South City Souvenirs, but probably not for long). I'll consider a bit what I might do next. I like daily writing. Obviously.

365/365 Cake, cake, and more cake

2009-10-03T19:03:00.002-05:00

"What kind of cake do you want for your birthday?" I ask Maeve.

"Umm, vanilla cake with chocolate frosting," she says on the spot. Sophia is staring at her.

"But I thought you wanted turtle cake but with vanilla cake in the cake part," she protests. Sophia likes any opportunity to eat turtle cake [two layers of cake separated by a layer of melted caramel, chocolate chips, and chunks of pecan].

"What kind of cake can you make?" Maeve asks.

"I can make strawberry cake, turtle cake, chocolate cake, red velvet cake, lemon cake, carrot cake, and any kind of cake that comes in a box."

"Lemon cake," she over-pronounces the L.

"You want lemon cake?" I check.

"Lemon. With," she thinks. "With lemon frosting."

"Do you want ice cream?"

"Lemon," she says again. "Lemon ice cream."

"Could you give me a back up plan in case I can't find lemon?" I ask, thinking to the one time I've had lemon ice cream (as opposed to lemon sorbet or ice). Tasted like frozen lemon icing.

"Mint," she says in a way that lets me know there is no going back now.

"When my birthday comes around again," Sophia vows, "You're going to make me cheesecake."

"That would be fine."

364/365 Generations

2009-10-02T18:53:00.003-05:00

"I think Bridgett has always felt like she's a different generation from Bevin and Colleen," my mom mentions to my aunt Gracemarie during lunch. I no longer recall how we got on this topic.

"Definitely," Bevin says quickly. "She's a Gen X-er and Colleen and I are both Millennials or whatever they're going to call us."

"But I thought Christine was a Millenial," Gracemarie looks ready to defend her opinion even if it's wrong. Christine is 3 years older than me.

"No," I say, but then I fudge. "I think she's Gen X. She's older than me and I'm definitely there."

"So what's the difference?" she challenges me. Bevin takes up the case.

"Gen X-ers hate Boomers," she sums up.

"Pretty much," I sigh.

"But Boomers," my mom cuts in. "There are two different kinds of Boomers. Those who were hippies and then became conservatives, and those who always were."

Oh crap, I think to myself. Not now.

"Well, I think you and Terry were the first kind, we always thought so," Gracemarie tells her.

"Oh, I think Terry's always been a little more conservative," my mom sighs. I stare into the living room, past the couches, out the windows. I note the awnings on the parsonage across the street, and how blue the living room is. I don't say anything.

"And now he's an angry conservative," Bevin tells her.

"And Mike's an angry liberal," my mom looks at me. I glance, but just for a moment.

"Well, Jim wasn't an angry conservative, but NOW he is." My aunt sits up straight. Have I mentioned my sister's facial piercings and tattoos? Her boyfriend? My political beliefs? I want to flee this conversation. But I sit for a moment more.

"My neighbor has two rabbits," my sister says nervously, smiling at me. It's the Blake family get out of jail free card, when the conversation gets too much. You say that (who knows why anymore) and everyone stops, looks at you, laughs, and goes back to friendly talk.

It didn't work this time.

363/365 Maeve Dances

2009-10-01T18:49:00.002-05:00

"Does she practice at home with Sophia?" the dance instructor asks. "She's doing really well with the jig."

I shrug. Maeve shakes her head no.

"I just know it," she says confidently.

"I can tell Maeve is the firecracker at your house," the instructor says to me, but looking at Maeve.

"Oh yes," I agree. "That's exactly what she is."

362/365 Thinking about Reading

2009-09-30T10:16:00.001-05:00

"I think I'm going to start reading this book," Sophia announces in the car.

"Think you're going to start?" Mike looks back at her.

"Yeah. I've been looking at it for a couple of nights, just to see if I should read it, and I guess I will."

"Two nights to decide?" he asks again with a smile on his face. She doesn't answer that but tells us the title and what she thinks it's about--it's a kid's graphic novel, it turns out.

"I guess there are people who need pre-reading," I mumble to Mike after I turn up the music a bit in the back. He glances at me.

"What?" I laugh. "Two nights? Two nights?"

"Yeah," he agrees.

"What was that called? SQ3R?"

"Yes."

"So stupid."

"Survey, question, read, recite, review?" he thinks back.

"By the end of it you hated whatever you'd read." We both nod.

361/365 Harvey Keitel

2009-09-29T10:13:00.002-05:00

"How was the class?" Mike asks as I fall onto the couch and drop my bag on the floor.

"Oh, it was ok. It was mostly having two people read aloud to a room of 25 annoyed moms." Girl Scout training.

"But it was ok?" This obviously doesn't sound ok to Mike.

"Yeah. It's done now. The presenters were good. One was, well, imagine a thin grandmotherly type, sweater over the shoulders, you can imagine the knitting in the bag next to her."

"Sure."

"And the other one was Harvey Keitel."

He looks at me, puzzled. "You had a male trainer at a girl scout thing? I mean, I guess--"

"No. Harvey Keitel in female form. Accent, face, everything."

"Oh. Oh my."

360/365 In the Groove

2009-09-28T10:12:00.001-05:00

"Well, it's been a month," I announce to Mike.

"Since?"

"Since school began. And I think we're finally in the groove of back to school."

He nods. It's 8:30 and Maeve's been in bed for an hour and Sophia just headed up.

359/365 Homework

2009-09-27T10:10:00.002-05:00

"I forgot to sign the homework sheet," I apologize to Miss Anne. She shrugs, but not in a bad way.

"It's ok," she tells me. "Just meant Sophia had to make up the fifteen minutes of reading during the day."

I glance back at Sophia in the van, who is mad.

"She's in third grade," Anne says with fake exasperation.

"And she'll never forget to have me sign it from now on," I decide.

"Exactly."

358/365 Fishin'

2009-09-26T13:16:00.002-05:00

"Where you headed?" I ask the neighbor as he packs the car.

"Fishin," he says like it's Paris or Yosemite.

"You or the whole family?"

"Oh, all of us."

"Bennett Springs?"

"Yeah. It's gonna be beautiful."

357/365 House Hunting

2009-09-25T18:31:00.002-05:00

"What do you think?" my mom asks my dad as we walk out of the house Bevin had them come see. She was worried about some of the structural stuff and he'd have a good opinion.

"Eh," he passes off the question. "She could do better."

"I think I could," Bevin agrees.

356/365 Hawaiian Punch

2009-09-24T18:27:00.002-05:00

"Mama, stop the cart," Maeve orders me. I don't.

"Mama, I want to show you something." She sticks her foot out--I'm pushing one of those carts with the car on the front where you can stash more kids if you need to.

I stop. "What?"

"Behind you, what is that?"

I turn and see a display for Hawaiian Punch with the weird little cartoon guy. "It's Hawaiian Punch," I tell her.

"What's that?"

"It's like koolaid," I try. "It used to come in cans, but anyway, we're not going to get any."

"Ma'am?" I hear behind me. I turn to see one of the employees, an older man, giving out samples of something. "You could give her, you know, a Hawaiian punch," he gestures with a fist, like from the commercials when I was little.

"Yeah," I smile and nod like I do with strangers who catch me off guard. "Some days!" We head back in the direction we were headed.

355/365 Rainbow

2009-09-23T18:25:00.002-05:00

"Look," Mike points across me, out the driver's side window. I turn. "A rainbow," he explains.

Then I see it. We turn off I-57 onto the road that will take us into Cairo. Tom's waiting for us there. And the rainbow, from this angle, ends in Cairo.

"That's a nice sign," I say, trying not to cry.

354/365 Typewriter Ghosts

2009-09-22T18:19:00.002-05:00

After the visitation, we sit in Mary Helen's living room in our pajamas and talk. Somehow, we wind up talking about ghosts. And so we told some stories. Here's mine.

"After my grandmother died, well, it was once Mike and I were getting married, and you know, we got married at St. Cecilia's, which is where my grandparents had been married. And I wanted to get my hands on their wedding album because we wanted to do some of our pictures the same way."

"I remember," Mary Helen encourages me.

"Well, my aunt Jackie--she isn't my aunt Jackie anymore--wasn't going to let me have that album. Every time we tried to get it from her she would tell me she didn't know where it was, that she had to go try to track it down. I was so frustrated. And then one night I had this dream that I walked through her house, back into her bedroom, and there was a typewriter, an old-fashioned style typewriter, sitting on her bed. And it typed out a message for me--"

"It did not!" Kaylen exclaims.

"Yeah," I'm grinning now. "It said to check under the stairs in the basement. And so I went back to the house and told Jackie that I thought it might be there, under the stairs, and you could tell by the look on her face--"

"Bridgett!" my mother-in-law's turn.

"And there it was."

353/365 Visiting His Wife

2009-09-21T18:16:00.002-05:00

"So Tom is dead?" Maeve clarifies.

"Yes." I don't say more. I wait for the questions.

"Can we come back to visit his house?" she asks. She likes the rectory here, a three story 1920s era house in pristine condition and with a spooky attic.

"No, honey, there's no reason to come back. We don't know anyone here." I look around at the backyard between the rectory and the church, realizing this as I say it.

"But his wife is still alive," she tries.

"Honey, he's not married. He's a priest."

"But she took me up to see the attic," she protests.

Click. "No, baby, that's Darlene. She's Tom's friend. Not his wife."

352/365 Maeve

2009-09-20T18:09:00.002-05:00

"You have a daughter named Maeve," Paul says, a statement, not a question. I confirm. "I have a Maeve," he reveals.

"You have a Maeve," I say with false exasperation. "We know three Maeves and two of them are in the Stout family!"

"There was no Maeve before mine," he continues. "We had Madison already and my wife and I couldn't settle on another girl's name. I'd offer something, she'd reject it. Then she'd come up with something and I wouldn't like it. So then, there was this woman who lived in our building, Irish lady," he pauses to breathe and to let me nod along.

"And she had three boys, all under 6, just boom boom boom, and we were standing on the playground next to her and she said," he continues in a reasonable facsimile of an Irish accent, "If I had a daughter, I'd name her Maeve."

We all smile.

"And my wife looked at me, and I looked at her, and we shrugged our shoulders and that was it."

351/365 More perspective

2009-09-19T00:04:00.002-05:00

"I have another perspective on the Dara situation," Mike says on the phone. We're both on cell phones, though, and I have a hard time hearing everything he says.

"Uh-huh?" I think of what he might say. Has he really had time today to look at websites about dog GI problems?

"Tom died today," he says, but it's garbled enough I have to stop and think. Did he mean Tom's dog, his boss's dog? Does his boss have a dog?

"Who? What?" I ask.

"Tom. My uncle Tom. Fr. Tom died today."

"Oh, oh God," I switch gears. I still have a kitchen filled with filth to clean up, but now we get to travel to a funeral and Tom's gone and yeah, that's a different perspective indeed.

350/365 Perspective

2009-09-18T00:02:00.002-05:00

"I'm sorry I'm heading out to work and can't help with this," Mike says, genuinely. I'm looking into the future of the day and am already overwhelmed.

"Sure you are," I say with a laugh because that's all I can do.

"At least," he tries, "at least your day probably can't get any worse?"

Then the laughing stops. "Yeah, like if I have to put the dog down? That'll be a GREAT day."

"Oh, yeah," he realizes.

349/365 Irish Dance With a German Twist

2009-09-17T10:46:00.002-05:00

"Oh, Sophia was at class Monday, right?" the instructor asks. I nod. "Yes, that's right. And my mom was there and she asked me if she'd know any of the girls there."

I glance at the other mom listening to this conversation, a new beginner's mom, wondering if she knows what she's in for.

"And I said, oh, you'll know Sophia! She's Penny Blake's granddaughter. And then I thought, no, that's not right. Penny Blake's great-granddaughter." She turns to the other mom. "Bridgett's family grew up in the same parish I did. Two Irish families in the whole parish. My first class? When I started this school? Not a single Irish girl joined. Ortmanns, Schmediekes, Wessels."

I laugh. "Of course, now we look like Germans."

"Oh no, that Sophia of yours? She couldn't look more Irish."

"Oh, I meant our last name."

"Yes, that!" she agrees. "You should really let her use Blake."

348/365 Mystery of the Universe #314

2009-09-16T10:42:00.001-05:00

"Ok," I start, looking straight at my sister.

"What?"

"I haven't been a teenager for, like, 16 years or something, right?"

"Sure."

"And I'm not ovulating because I'm still breastfeeding."

She smiles. "Yeah?"

"So WHY am I breaking out in the middle of my face? This doesn't happen! What is going on?"

347/365 Halloween Ideas

2009-09-15T13:06:00.000-05:00

"I think we should be Mai and Setsuki from Totoro," Sophia says with finality. It's been tossed around as an idea.

"Leo could be a Totoro," I suggest. "That would be very cute."

"How long until Halloween?" she asks.

"About 45 days still."

"Forty-five days?" she whines. "That's forever."

"That's why we're not making up our minds yet."

"I'm going to be a superhero," Maeve says. Sophia gives me that she's ruining my life look.

346/365 Parental Concern

2009-09-14T13:03:00.001-05:00

"I think we're going to have to keep her busy, like 24/7," I end a long litany of what Maeve's been doing at school and home.

"She is one that needs a lot of stimulation," my mom admits.

"Yeah, like get her involved in Irish dance and have her on every team," I continue. "Or some sort of select soccer team or--the people who read my blog have suggested roller derby."

"That would fit Maeve," she nods.

"I just, I just don't want to be raising my grandchild in 13 years. You know?"

345/365 Cats

2009-09-13T04:59:00.000-05:00

"Maloki's cat died," I tell Mike.

"Oh, that's too bad. I guess that's why he didn't call me back. What was it?"

"Diabetes and congestive heart failure. He says he doesn't want to get another one. Death is too hard."

"It is," Mike agrees. I think back to 13 years ago when we got Hickory and Bleys and how Mike was already stressed because one day they would die.

"But the living is pretty good when they're here," I try.

344/365 Cocktail Hour

2009-09-12T16:57:00.001-05:00

"So there are cocktails at 6, the concert starts at 7," I tell Mike as we bike on the River Des Peres trail.

"Hmm," he acknowledges.

"And it's over around 8:30 and they serve dessert."

"Ok. Salad when I get home. Cocktail hour is going to be all carb or all protein."

"Or maybe both," I point out.

"Still, I need a salad before we go do that."

343/365 Tenants

2009-09-11T16:54:00.002-05:00

"Do you have tenants?" I ask the guy next door.

"Sort of," he admits. I had seen an elderly couple sitting on the porch yesterday. "It's my parents and grandparents. They're only here until tomorrow, though."

"Ah, that explains it." I tell him about the porch sitting.

"That's what they do. Watch everything that happens. Like, you took kids to school, but then came back home. And took the baby down the street. And then you left."

"That's exactly what I did," I say with some amusement. The fact that they reported it to him is funny.

"Watch yourself. They are."

342/365 South Side Backyards

2009-09-10T16:50:00.002-05:00

"Look at this one," I say, sitting with Leo in my lap with the power of the mouse for a moment. Bevin leans forward to look at the photos.

"Is that the backyard?"

"I think it's the front, actually. I think this is an old mother-in-law's house with no front house left anymore."

"That's cool," she decides. "Look at the yard, though. It's like one of those stereotype south side backyards with all the stuff, like a concrete basket of flowers here, and a rose garden there and look, a bench."

We both look at the photo on the screen. There's a porch swing, a bird bath, a rocking horse, and a gnome. And that's only about a quarter of the yard.

"It's like some sort of Stations of the Backyard," she laughs. And then I laugh so hard at the image I have to put Leo down.

341/365 Click it.

2009-09-09T16:48:00.002-05:00

"Wallace," I say absentmindedly. Bevin clicks on the map.

"Wait," she stops. "No pictures." She clicks it to discard it. "How about this one on Schiller?"

"You know the story of Schiller, right?" I ask her.

"Nope."

"It was going to be a boulevard like Utah or Flora Place. But then the Depression hit and instead of leaving the middle of the street as green space, the developer, I think a Mr. Schiller, actually, put houses in the median. So houses on the north side face people's backyards in what used to be the median."

"Click it," she says as she clicks it.

340/365 House Hunt Begins

2009-09-08T16:44:00.000-05:00

"That block of Compton," I muse out loud, looking at the agent's computer screen. Bevin is looking for a house. I'm helping her. The first thing is agent and bank and beginning to filter through all the houses she can afford all over south city.

"Is it Gravois Park?" the agent asks. I try to count blocks based on where St. Pius is located north-south-wise.

"No, I think further south," I guess. She brings up a map.

"Dutchtown," she says with a nod.

"I don't know anything about Dutchtown these days," I sort of apologize to Bevin. I have definite opinions on Gravois Park, Holly Hills, Southampton, and so forth. But Dutchtown...

"We could always go look," Bevin points out.

"Yeah. Some places are block by block these days." Like mine.

339/365 Crowning

2009-09-07T16:40:00.002-05:00

"When did you get a crown on this tooth?" the dentist asks me.

"That one doesn't have a crown," I say with some alarm. "We're putting a crown on the one in front of it."

"Yeah, I know, but this one with a crown has a cavity at the bottom." She hands me a mirror and shows me with her little pick axe how it's sticky and dark under the crown. Great.

"I think you put it on. It would have been early '05, I think."

"Hmm," she doesn't believe me. She looks through my records. "No, I put the one on in the upper right."

I sigh. It's more of that other dentist's bad job.

"Then it's from January of '02." A tooth for every baby, after all.

"Ok, we can recrown it. That's been long enough."

"What about the tooth in front of it?" It's more filling than tooth at this point.

"I'll refill part of it down there by the gum line. I don't know. I might get you another year that way." I must look discouraged because she adds, "You have great gums."

"Well, that's something."

338/365 Ready to Fight

2009-09-06T16:38:00.001-05:00

"Mom," Sophia says in her tattletale voice, "when I was coming up the stairs just now I on accident ran into Maeve and she held her fist up and said, 'I'm ready to fight!'"

Mike and I laugh. "Oh Sophie, that's hilarious."

"Why?" she doesn't understand. "She was going to fight me."

"Because Maeve is always ready to fight. That was quintessential Maeve."

Sophia gives me that look that demonstrates her disapproval of my amusement.

337/365 Bathtime Truths

2009-09-05T22:32:00.002-05:00

"Since it's a school night, would it be ok if you ran bath tonight?" Mike asks me as we head down Grand towards home after the last frozen custard run of the summer.

"Sure," I agree.

"Cause when I do it, it always seems to take forever."

"That's because you sit on the computer playing mafia wars the whole time," I explain. He's quiet, and I'm afraid I've hurt his feelings. "But it's true," I protest.

"It is sometimes true," he qualifies.

"And you get busy with that and forget about bath until they're yelling at you cause the water's turned cold." I laugh, turning onto Pestalozzi towards home.

"And they don't like the way I wash hair," he continues.

"That's because you're not nice about it," I explain again. More silence. "Hey, I'm just filling you in, here."

In his defense, Leo cried all through his bath, the girls stayed in too long, and I had to re-rinse Maeve's hair. Ah well.

336/365 Names Are Changed to Protect the Guilty

2009-09-04T22:29:00.002-05:00

"Oh Bridgett," Jan says to me, holding the cup of coffee Michelle's daughter brings her. "That meeting on Wednesday just about did me in." She shakes her head.

"I know," I agree.

"What meeting?" Kerry and Michelle ask at the same moment.

"A planning meeting," I start. "With Laura."

"Oh," Kerry nods. "You don't even have to give any details. That name alone tells me all I need to know."

Much eye-rolling and head nodding follows.

335/365 Loaf (For Bevin)

2009-09-03T22:25:00.002-05:00

"I'm just sewing the arms on," I tell Maeve, who is anxious to get her hands on the rag doll I'm making because Sophia and a friend are making them, too.

"I'll get you some loaf," she announces, over-pronouncing 'loaf' with a long l-sound.

"Loaf?" I ask her, not looking up.

"Loaf," she repeats, handing me polyester fiber-fill to go into the rag doll.

"That's not loaf," Sophia giggles. "That's stuffing!"

I wonder momentarily about the two food references, and then I think about my sister Bevin.

"Loaf is one of Bevin's favorite words," I tell her like it's a big secret. Now all three girls start laughing.

"Loaf!" Maeve holds up more fluff gleefully. "It's loaf!"

334/365 The Last One I Remember

2009-09-02T22:21:00.002-05:00

"You're here for the letter," I say completely unnecessarily. He nods, looking a bit amused. His mother is in the car waiting. I hand him the envelope.

"You did a good job. I didn't think you would," I trip over my words. "I mean, three people, three other scouts, tried before you did. I thought it was insurmountable."

He shrugs. I follow him out onto the porch.

"Hey, is your street a one-way?" he asks, looking at the cars parked all facing the same direction.

"Yep."

"Why? I mean, it's so wide, why would they make it one way?"

"Had to do with Tower Grove in the 1970s having such a bad reputation." I point to the house on the corner. "Brothel down there. I guess they thought they could control traffic and maybe crime?"

He looks unconvinced. His mother is leaning to look out the passenger window.

"Better go," he waves the envelope at me.

"Good luck with that!" I call after him. "You did a good job."

333/365 Rest Stop

2009-09-01T12:22:00.002-05:00

"I have to go potty!" comes the frantic call from the back seat. We're stuck at a traffic light in Maplewood and there's nothing I can do.

"Maeve," I say with obvious frustration, "you're supposed to warn me. Why didn't you tell me before we left Sophie's school? You could have used the potty there."

"I have to go!" She sounds terribly frantic.

"I know!" I yell back. "There's nothing I can do here. You'll have to hold it until--" I think about my options. A gas station on the corner: shudder. The McDonald's 10 blocks away. Making it to Leo's chiropractor would be ideal--she works out of her house. But she's probably out of range.

"I have to go potty!" is repeated several times with increasing speed and anxiety.

"What am I supposed to do?" I turn around to look at her. "Stop here and let you pee in the grass?"

"I think you're going to have to!"

That's it. I maneuver around the two cars in front of me, illegally in the other lane, and cut in front of them to get into the gas station parking lot.

She makes it.

332/365 It's Not All Hearts and Flowers

2009-08-31T13:54:00.003-05:00

"I just got your email," I say flatly into the phone. "I can't believe that."

"I know," Ann replies. "I know. It's so awful, I can't get over it. He was here until 9, hanging out, playing in the yard."

"I can't believe it," I repeat. Probably a few times. "I mean, I taught him. I taught him when he was 12, 13. I knew him--" like it makes a difference.

"I know."

I get off the phone and go through every moment, every interaction, every memory. Finite.

331/365 Pizza Breakfast

2009-08-30T02:56:00.002-05:00

"It just seems to early for pizza," I explain my reason for ordering a turkey sandwich for an early lunch with Mike's family.

"It's never too early for pizza," Steve declares. "I could make it for breakfast."

"Even if it's isn't leftovers," Pete chimes in.

"It only seems early for you because you slept in--" Mike starts.

"Only until 9!" I interrupt. "It's Saturday and I won't feel bad about that."

"Yeah, cause Monday you'll be up early from then on," Mary Helen points out. School starts. Both looking forward to and dreading this.

330/365 Nova Scotia

2009-08-29T14:52:00.002-05:00

"What did you get your craft exchange person?" Kaylen asks me.

"Mostly, from her blog, I found out that she wanted to learn how to sew. So I sent her a pattern for reusable shopping bags, and a yard of batik and the stuff she'd need to do it."

"That sounds good. My person? She turned out to be from Nova Scotia," she says, mildly irritated. "So I had to spend like 27 dollars to send it to her."

"Yeah, Canada. Yikes," I sympathize. "Do you think our partners send back to us, or is it a round robin?"

"I don't know, but if I ever go to Nova Scotia, I'm totally telling her she has to put me up for the night."

"She owes you."

"Exactly."

329/365 Bed Family

2009-08-28T14:49:00.001-05:00

"Here, scoot over and I'll sit Leo next to you," I tell Sophia. I plop Leo down on the ground and hand him a few older Fisher Price toys to play with, mostly beds because the little people are just the right size to choke on.

"No!" Maeve is distressed. "That's part of my family."

"No, Maeve," I correct her. "That's a bed."

"Part of my family!"

"What, the bed family?" I sigh. "Is that Mr. Bed?"

Sophia and Maeve think that's hilarious.

328/365 Hall Street

2009-08-27T14:41:00.002-05:00

"That long road, they should have named it Trucker Street," my mother-in-law tells me over lunch. I'd sent her up to Chain of Rocks Bridge earlier in the day so my father-in-law could see the area for fishing possibilities.

"Oh, Hall Street?" I clarify.

"Yeah. They should call it Haul Street."

I laugh. "You know, back when my dad was in high school, that's where they raced at night. That long stretch, they did quarter miles and such down there, quasi-legal."

She and Jeff look at each other like maybe this came up in conversation. "Like your dad did back in high school," she says to Mike and his brothers.

"Are you the one who told the story about the volkswagon with the missing back seat, just filled with more engine?" Mike asks. Jeff shakes his head.

"Nope, just American cars. Chargers--saw one beat a 'Vette one time," he says. We nod like we understand.

"Road Runners?" Mike suggests.

"Yeah, big 440s, GTOs," he starts listing. "Ron down there would race his pick-up. One time we went over to Missouri near Charleston and a state trooper picked them all up. He just drove into the lot of them and turned the lights on. Took all their licenses and told them he'd meet them in Charleston."

"You didn't get picked up?" Mike asks.

"Nope. Ron and I were out in the field waiting at the finish line."

327/365 UPS Guy

2009-08-26T00:37:00.002-05:00

"What is it?" he asks, holding up the jar to the light. "Peaches?"

"Peach salsa--peach and jalapeno, actually," I explain.

"What?" he asks like he didn't hear. I repeat myself. He has the gravelly voice common to many of my uncles and their friends. Many long years of smoking and drinking bring about this voice.

"I know you don't care, but I hate that hot stuff. Can't stand it."

"Oh, me neither," I say as I fill out the form with the name and address. "My husband eats the stuff. And we make chili with it."

"And this is going to," he looks at my form. "Vermont?"

"Yup."

"You been there?"

"Never had the pleasure. Been to upstate New York but never past there."

He types on his computer and glances at the jars. Then he looks at the screen, surprised.

"Out in the sticks?" he asks. "I only say that because the shipping's high. Means it's rural."

"She doesn't have a mail box. She gets her mail at the post office. It's rural."

"Wow," he finishes typing the form. "I could use some of that, you know what I mean?" he asks me like we're talking about a drug.

"I know."

"Man. I've had enough of this burg to last me a long time. Finished. Tie-erd."

I smile, I know a bit thinly. My kids are watching me and I just want to get on to the next task. But honestly, I suddenly think of this blog and I change my tune.

"I know what you mean," I tell him. "Summertime in the city is the worst. I hate people by August."

"Man, you know what. But I don't know, that place probably gets more snow than I can take. I'd be crawling back here soon'nough."

I nod, but friendly this time.

"Monday. Maybe Tuesday. And she can light her mouth on fire, I'm sure."

326/365 Hit and Run II

2009-08-25T00:19:00.002-05:00

"Well, that isn't much, I mean, I know it's your car and all--" the officer starts to backpedal but I stop her.

"No, really. It isn't. I just don't want to wind up having to pay for the dang thing."

"But you don't need a police report," she levels with us.

"Even if I call the insurance company tomorrow and tell them, and they say I do?" Mike ventures.

"Don't let them do that," she says forcefully. "They try, but it's not true. I mean, you're both insured, you have the information from the company, it's not going to be any big thing. But don't let them pretend."

"Ok then," I nod. "Thanks." I start walking back up to the house.

"Take care," she tells us both.

Neighbors start poking their heads out to see what's going on.

325/365 Hit and Run I

2009-08-24T00:17:00.000-05:00

"What's going on?" I poke my head out the door to ask Mike and Larry, standing by my van. I was going to go to the grocery store, all alone. Now I'm worried that something's happened.

"That roto-rooter guy, in the blue van, just parked here, and when he pulled out, he ran right into your headlight," Larry tells me. "Didn't even stop. I guess he thought nobody saw him, but I was sitting on my porch watching the whole thing."

"Oh, I saw that van earlier," I volunteer. "He was here for Ralph's or maybe Colin's house." Mike starts walking over towards those two houses.

"Didn't even stop," Larry repeats.

324/365 Texas, my Texas

2009-08-23T00:13:00.002-05:00

"That's because she's from Texas," Mike says with a shrug, referring to a friend of ours. We're sitting on the bed watching reruns on his computer.

"Mike," I sigh. The Texas jokes are ok sometimes, but they get old when Texas becomes the reason for every personality flaw, mistake, or evil deed. I try to sum this up: "Leave Texas alone."

"What you really want to say," he starts, but doesn't finish.

I get it. I push him.

"It's too obvious to even say it out loud."

"Why would you want to mess with an entire state?" I quote Paul from college.

323/365 Secret Crush

2009-08-22T12:56:00.002-05:00

"Maeve tells me she has a secret crush on Tommy," Mike tells me with that look on his face not sure if he should be worried.

"Oh, that's no secret," I assure him. "It's been like, a year?"

He nods, remembering.

"At least it isn't Matthew."

"That's true," he sighs, sitting down on the couch behind me.

322/365 Ike Side Note

2009-08-21T01:39:00.002-05:00

"Why didn't we have mass in the park last year?" Mary asks as John reminds us that this is the first year in a long time.

"Remnants of a hurricane came through," he explains.

"Ike," I get specific.

"Oh, I was looking at pictures from Galveston after Ike, do you still have anyone down there?"

"My brother." I'm thinking about the same photos. "Bolivar, Bolivar Peninsula."

"What's it like, have they recovered?"

"Oh, Ian was away from the coast, but," I shake my head.

"There was a hospital on Galveston--" she begins again but I interrupt.

"Four hundred, there's still 400 people they never found."

Silence around the table as we all consider this.

"Four hundred?" she asks.

"Yeah--" but I stop myself. We're in the middle of a worship commission meeting. "We'll talk, I'll email you later."

321/365 Pushing My Buttons

2009-08-20T01:42:00.002-05:00

"Am I going to Mary Alice's house today?" Maeve asks as we pull up at the house after the nursing home.

"No, while I'm at the doctor, you're going to Miss Mary's."

"But I'm going to Mary Alice's," she protests.

"No, that's tomorrow. Today is Miss Mary's."

She unbuckles. Sophia does too, and runs over to the neighbor's to play.

"But you said Mary Alice," she tries again. I think she's trying to catch me. Or wear me down. I get Leo out of his seat.

"Nope. You're going to eat lunch and go to Miss Mary's. Tomorrow you go to Mary Alice's."

"Katie Jane's?"

"No."

"Gabby's, then."

"No, Maeve. Miss Mary's. Get up the steps."

[a side note]

2009-08-19T22:30:00.003-05:00

My soon-to-be sister-in-law has started a new blog. This is just the sort of thing I like. She is hoping to write a note to everyone in her mobile phone contacts. Two hundred and fifty four people and she wants to write about a letter a week. You can see why I'd like this kind of thing ('cept I'd have to do 111 more than she will because that's my habit). So I figured she belonged over on this blogroll with all the other folks who blog by rote or once did. Enjoy. And good luck, Kaylen, I hope you can keep it up!

320/365 Family Traditions

2009-08-19T03:15:00.002-05:00

"You know, I was thinking, after seeing Kay yesterday," my mom says on the phone while I paint the woodwork in the kitchen with one hand. "Of the seven grandchildren who have reproduced--"

"Seven?"

"Penny's grandchildren."

"She has more than seven," I start counting.

"No, of the ones who have had babies," she clarifies.

"Oh, yeah, ok."

"You are the only one who got married first." The statement seems heavy now that she's said it. I start thinking, trying to find the exception.

"Adrienne, Ian, Gina," I count. "Tim, Angel--"

"And now Jennifer," she sums it up.

"Well," I try to think of other cousins. "I guess Austin and Dalton and Will, too young." They are--they're not even teenagers yet.

"And who knows about Kelly's two girls--I guess we can't count them in either place."

"Yeah. I guess you're right. Now, Amanda's married," I point out.

"And if she has kids, she'll be with you."

"And Gina, you know, and Ian, they got married eventually and have stayed married."

"True. I just thought it was an interesting statistic."

I obsessively do the right thing, I think to myself. Too afraid not to.

319/365 Babies are Hard Work

2009-08-18T15:11:00.002-05:00

"I was telling Tim that I just don't think I can have kids," Colleen says in the van later on the way home from the nursing home. "And he said wait til I'm 35 and realize that biological clock is ticking."

"You know," I try to start without getting my head snapped off by my youngest, but most quick-tempered, sibling. "It's different when it's your own. I don't like babies much either but I like my kids ok."

"I know," she sighs. "It's just, babies are hard work. You don't just keep living the same life you had once they come around."

"That's for sure."

"And I just don't think, like, girls my age get that. They think it's like a movie or something and life isn't like that. Babies are hard work." She thinks for a moment. "I guess unless you have enough money so someone else can raise them, you know, like a nanny or something. But if you don't have your own life together, if you're not in a good job or in a good relationship. I just don't know if Jennifer has any idea what's coming."

We both think about the cousin, newly pregnant, out on the east coast.

"Oh, she doesn't. Nobody ever does," I assure her.

318/365 Aunt Kay's in Town

2009-08-17T15:03:00.002-05:00

I stand in the nursing home hallway. It's actually a retirement home for the sisters of St. Joseph, but they have a small skilled nursing wing, where my grandmother is for the time being. We're waiting for her to get off the stationary bike and come visit with us. My aunt is standing next to me. I used to swim in her pool in California when I was 5. Now she lives in Delaware. I'm holding Leo while he watches the finches in the floor to ceiling glass enclosure. She's watching him, smiling, and I know looking at her face that I'm looking at my own reflection in 25 years.

"I didn't even bring my grandkids' pictures, how's that for a bad grandma?" she keeps looking at Leo.

"How many do you have now? Two?" I think about her son Tim and his wife, sort of living on the edge of poverty, in and out of her house.

"Two and one on the way," she nods. "Jennifer's pregnant."

Jennifer. The one who moved home with the boyfriend looking for work, with the promise of a sublet apartment or something like that. It's like the Depression all over again.

"Is that," I start.

"It's a good thing. She's excited. I haven't even told your mom yet. Maybe I should," she glances over across the hallway where my mom and Colleen are talking about other things. We walk on over to deliver the news.

"She's 24," Kay explains after letting my mom in on the secret. "So it's not bad. She and Fred are going to get married next September, is the plan."

"I'm 24!" Colleen exclaims. Colleen does not want to have a baby now or perhaps ever.

"Yup," Kay nods. "Don't take antibiotics with birth control."

"That'll do it," my mom says. "How is she doing?"

"Well, the fibromyalgia is going to be hard to handle. She's on a couple of drugs they need to take her off for the pregnancy."

"Is she still, where, in Vermont?" I ask.

"New Jersey, but no, she's moved home as well. With Fred."

I'm holding squirmy Leo, thinking about how relatively healthy I am, how lucky I was with all 3 babies, how doomed I would feel in her shoes. I know everyone else is thinking these things, too.

"Well, I was 23 when I had Bridgett," my mom sums up. "She can do it."

317/365 Fatigued?

2009-08-16T10:08:00.002-05:00

"So what would you describe as your main symptoms?" she asks, sitting at her desk looking at me.

"Fatigue." I think. "I'm tired all the time. I sleep 11 hours a night to feel ok the next day. Otherwise I have to nap. Or self-medicate with caffeine."

She writes this down. "Anything else?"

"My ankles hurt after sitting or sleeping. My hair is coarse and falling out."

"Do you feel like you have brain fog?"

Brain fog. I look at the mini-blinds in the window. This used to be a vet's office. We took Bleys and Hickory here until we found a doctor in the city. I think about fog, about gray dullness.

"Yeah. Like I forget my cousin's name when talking with my sister. Or stop in the middle of conversation and can't remember what I was going to say."

"Are your eyes dry?"

Creepy. It's like she's living in my body.

"Yes."

"And are you hot or cold most of the time?"

"Cold. I always have a sweater in the car. Air conditioning is chilly and winters are murder."

"I think we're going to switch your medication and double your dosage. I'm going to do some blood work. This isn't post-partum, this is your thyroid."

Oh thank God someone was listening finally.

316/365 Chicken Stock

2009-08-15T18:19:00.002-05:00

"When you opened the freezer, was that stock?" my sister-in-law Mary asks me. I open it again to check.

"Yes--chicken," I confirm.

"Did you make it yourself?"

"Yeah."

"Was it hard?"

"No--just, next time you roast a chicken," I start the recipe, which, like many of my recipes, is really a process. "Pick the rest off and then boil the carcass in enough water to cover."

I look at my stove to try to remember the rest. "Salt, pepper--"

"Celery, carrots," Mike adds.

"Other leftover vegetable ends." I think back again to the last time we made it. "And, according to a la leche friend of mine, if you splash a little vinegar in it, it'll leach off more calcium from the bones."

"Can you taste a difference?" Steve asks.

"No--I don't use that much vinegar," I admit.

"So it ostensibly has more calcium."

"Right. Oh, and drippings from the pan--I add those two. Boil until it has some body, you know, and then put it through a sieve."

They both nod at me.

"Really, it's easy."

"We've been eating so much risotto," Steve explains, "that it doesn't make sense to buy the stuff if you can make it."

She wants to learn how to can, too. Yay.

315/365 Chalkboard

2009-08-14T16:51:00.002-05:00

"Do you want a 4 by 8 black chalkboard in a wooden frame with a tray?" Mike asks as he walks in the door from running errands.

"Yes," I answer without missing a beat.

"It's in the alley behind the Lutheran school."

"Go get it."

He does. When he gets back, I inspect it.

"It's not slate," he points out.

"You're right." I look more closely. Painted pressboard. I shake my head.

"It looked better from a half block away," he says as apology.

"Oh, I'm sure it did. I'll hold the back door open."

Into our alley it goes.

314/365 More Indirect Communication

2009-08-13T03:01:00.001-05:00

"So Mom," Sophia starts, obviously mid-thought, "what are blogs for?"

"Well," I answer, "they are like diaries or journals that you keep online, on the internet. You can write down all sorts of things. Things you do, things you are thinking about. Some of them are very specific about different topics."

"How do you put a picture on a blog?"

"You upload it from your computer or from somewhere else on the internet."

"I still don't think I understand. Why do you have a blog?"

"I guess it's so other people can see what's going on in your life or read what you've written."

She thinks a few moments. Then, "So anyone can read your blog?"

"Mine, yes. But you can set one up so that only certain people can see it."

"Only people you want to see it?"

"Yes," I'm driving as we have this conversation so she can't see me smiling. She wants to ask if she can have a blog, but she just can't bring herself to ask a direct request like that. It's something we work on.

"Just curious," she says instead.

313/365 Kay's Coming

2009-08-12T09:47:00.002-05:00

"What are you writing?" Mike looks over my shoulder. I'm on facebook, talking with my aunt in Maryland.

"Kay's coming to town and I told her if she needs anything, I'm around."

"Penny?" he asks. My grandmother is in the hospital again and Kay is facing facts. She's the only out-of-town sibling, of 8, and she's coming tomorrow.

"Yeah. She says Chris is picking her up from the hospital. I'm writing to tell her we're around, well, for August, really."

"And if she's with Chris, well, Chris will know how to find you." At first I think he's just saying that because it's probably true. But then I remember the running gag surrounding this whole saga.

"Exactly."

312/365 Infuriating Office Staff

2009-08-11T09:39:00.002-05:00

"When I called for results and they put me on vitamin D, they said I needed to call in a month for a follow up," I start when she comes back from putting me on hold.

"Well, I don't know why he'd need you to follow up," she says disdainfully.

"I think it's because he didn't give me any refills. I need to either get bloodwork redone or maybe a visit, or," I trail off, hoping this is enough.

"I guess I can schedule you for an appointment to see him," she says like it's a huge burden. "What's your date of birth?"

I tell her. She finds me in the computer system.

"When do you want to come in?"

"It would have to be the first appointment of the morning," I insist. "I'll have three kids with me and I don't want to wait forever." I've learned that Dr. P's office is not the best run in the world.

"Well," she sighs loudly. "I can get you in on the 24th, but no sooner."

"In that case, should I get a refill on the vitamin D? I mean, by then, it'll be a month since I stopped taking it, and I really don't see the point, you know?"

Silence.

"What I mean is," I try again. "If he's looking to see results, shouldn't I still be on it when I see him?"

Silence.

"Are you listening?" I ask finally.

"Yes, but, you know, I don't know about any of that. I'm not a nurse." Now she tells me. I wait. This is the make it or break it moment. This is the give-her-enough-rope-to-hang-herself time. Will she offer to transfer my call, or will she sit there silently.

Silence.

"Ok, then, thank you for being so unhelpful," I say calmly. And I hang up.

I'm seeing the new doctor, new office, on Monday.

311/365 Many Moons...

2009-08-10T09:36:00.002-05:00

"If I lose your mom, will you know where we're going?" I ask as we get on the highway heading into foreign territory for me.

"I don't know. Head north, past Carbondale, umm." Mike looks out the window.

"I thought you grew up here."

"It has been many years since I traveled these roads," he says gravely.

"Ok, Gandalf." I speed up to catch up with his mother's van.

310/365 That about wraps it up for Sophia's Summer

2009-08-09T02:21:00.002-05:00

The phone rings and I know it's my kids before I pick it up.

"Hi Mommy," Sophia says.

"Hi there. How's it going?" I should have called last night but I was out drinking with the girls. And the baby.

"It's good. I learned how to ride a bike without training wheels on Maci's street." Her cousins live on a neighborhood street, I've heard, quiet. Not like a city one-way emptying out onto Grand.

"Oh, that's wonderful," I tell her. "We'll take your training wheels off when you get home, then."

"Yeah," she says, distracted. "And we went to the Superman museum!" My sister-in-law lives in Metropolis, Illinois, after all. "This one guy, this one man, he collected all this stuff about Superman and has a museum now."

"I know," I think back to the trip we took, a few years before she was born, with Miguel and Mike's wayward cousin Neil on his way from one girlfriend to another and maybe in and out of jail. But it was the Superman museum and sure, he'd go with us. Sitting at the drive in afterward, Mike's old red car, lots of little images flash through my mind.

"Here's Maeve," she hands the phone over. Huh. Reading, swimming, dancing, biking, and the Superman museum. That about wraps it up for Sophia's summer.

309/365 Baby at the Bar

2009-08-08T12:04:00.002-05:00

"Excuse me," the woman at the next table interrupts us as we drink our martinis in the breezy evening. "But your baby is gorgeous."

"Thank you," I say with a smile. I hadn't wanted to bring Leo, but Mike was working late and dang it, I was going out.

"I mean, I've had 5, so I know," she says, maybe a bit drunk. "And babies can be cute, but he's beautiful."

"Thanks," I say again.

"You see, I'm just turning 40, and I'm getting that yearning." Her companion is a big guy with longish hair and full sleeve tattoos, I notice. Drinking something out of a styrofoam cup, he never turns around. "I guess if I had another, that yearning would be gone pretty quick," she laughs.

308/365 A Spider Problem

2009-08-07T03:52:00.002-05:00

"We saw Rick in the hospital, while we were out at my doctor's, we thought we'd stop in."

"Did he know who you are?" I ask. My grandmother's been in the hospital too, and is having a hard time placing some people.

"Oh yes. Talked to us a bit. Marcia was there, too. Walked in with us. His beard's all white now, but he didn't look, you know, gray. Deathly. He looked better than I thought he would."

I'm sitting in the grocery store parking lot with the car still running. I'm not going to get out and have this conversation walking through the produce aisle.

"And he said this weird thing," Mom continues. "They had him on some kind of drug and he was trying to tell Dad about it, you know, see if he'd heard of it."

My dad was an RN for most of my childhood. He's still seen as the medical expert.

"Well, he turned to Marcia and said, 'oh, it was that one that it was like spiders were crawling all over my testicles."

"He did not say that," I protest.

"He did!" My mom starts laughing. "And your dad stood there, all seriousness, and said, 'that's the DTs.' Jesus. His family."

"They are all so strange," I agree.

"So are you going to be around later?" she asks.

"Sure--call first, though, because I'm going to do some canning with Mary as well."

"Oh, if I can't find you, I'll just call Chris."

We're going to be milking that one a long time.

307/365 More Aunt Chris

2009-08-06T15:47:00.002-05:00

"I got a phone call at 9 this morning from Chris," my mom informs me on the phone.

"Oh yeah? Did Marcia call looking for Rick or something?"

"No," she laughs. Then sighs. "The nursing home called. Grandma had a fever and they couldn't pick up any bowel sounds."

"Dang it."

"Yeah, so they took her to St. Anthony's. Chris said she got a whopping 44 minutes of work done this morning--which was a record for the week, I think. She called Paula and they headed on down. I'll probably call in a little while, see how things are going."

"What do they think?"

"Oh, your dad thought it might just be the vicodin--it could be that she's constipated. Or, well, who knows? He said it could be an interesting August to match the interesting July."

"Why do they keep calling Chris?" I wonder.

"I know. Sixth child and suddenly she's the one in charge. Interesting how people fall into different roles when it comes time to step up to the plate."

306/365 Get off the phone

2009-08-05T15:43:00.003-05:00

"Hi Jeff, this is Bridgett, are the girls there?" I ask my father-in-law on the phone. Girls are down visiting the grandparents.

"Sure are. Wanna talk to your mom?" he asks someone on his end.

"Hi Mom," says a voice, I'm thinking it's Maeve.

"Hi, how are you?"

"Good." Maeve.

"What are you doing?"

"We're arting," she says, and then stops. "I mean we're drawing." I can hear Sophia correcting her in the background.

"That sounds good. Are you having a good time?"

"Yeah," she sounds distracted. "We went to Cape today."

I'm about to reply and ask about the trip, but then I hear: "Hi Mommy," and it's Sophia on the phone. Maeve can only take so much phone call. Like she's inherited that from Mike's dad, in fact.

305/365 More Family

2009-08-04T08:03:00.002-05:00

"So Chris still doesn't get that phone call from Rick," my mom says like I'm going to understand that statement. I shake my head at her. "Oh, Rick called her around 4:30 in the morning, before the heart attack. From the hospital on his cell phone. Told her something about an angioplasty and that he couldn't reach Marcia."

"Did he want Chris to go over there?"

"Well, she doesn't even know which apartment is theirs. She would have had to bang on doors--"

"At 4:30 in the morning," I finish.

"Right. And he was telling Chris he thought the cell phone was about to die and could she please try to reach Marcia--"

"Why didn't he call her on the hospital phone?"

"Chris asked him that. He said they wouldn't let him."

"Then what about a nurse trying to reach her or something?"

"Right. Chris asked him this but he said he didn't think they would do that. Well, anyway, Chris finally had to just hang up. At 6, she woke up for work and checked her phone, just to be sure she'd really had that phone call. And while she was in the shower, Marcia called. She just hadn't heard the phone--but by then he'd had the heart attack. Who knows."

We both just shake our heads. And then get distracted by Leo.

304/365 My family is odd

2009-08-03T19:58:00.002-05:00

"So Dad's golfing today," Mom says over lunch. i've driven her to her doctor's appointment and she's bought lunch for Leo and me. "Chris and Patrick were going to go, too."

"But isn't Rick having his bypass surgery today?" I ask. Chris and Patrick are my dad's siblings. So is Rick.

"Well, yeah," my mom thinks about it.

"That's a great family. Rick's having heart surgery and all his in-town siblings are out on the golf course." But I'm laughing because I know that's not how they mean it.

"Well, Paula's still around. Probably at work, though. And Glennon." She shrugs.

"I guess there's not much they could do, anyway."

303/365 Third Teeth

2009-08-02T19:54:00.002-05:00

"Did you know," Mrs. S begins a new thread of conversation, still talking to me through the screen door. "You can get a third set of teeth?"

I nod, but she keeps going.

"When I lost these two," she points at her bottom front teeth, "I thought, now how am I going to eat anything? Why did they just fall out like that? But then, a couple of weeks later, I felt this weird sharp thing and there they were, coming in again."

"Yeah," I nod again. "My grandmother's sister got a third set."

"And you know, I had three boys, but between them, they had 16 kids. Sixteen!" And so it goes on and on...

302/365 Try to walk away and I stumble

2009-08-01T04:48:00.002-05:00

"What time'ja get to bed last night?" Mike asks, knowing full well it was after two.

"Late," I decide to equivocate. "Looking up former students. I found Sophia, for instance. Makes me almost want to join facebook after all."

He doesn't answer. Just gives me a tired look and glances behind me at the computer desk, where the iced latte cup is half empty.

"But not," I reassure him. "I don't need another way to waste time, really." I turn around and show him Sophia's page, and Darrell's.

"Soft Face?" he looks.

"Yeah, I think it's his street name. His twin brother goes by Hard Face."

"Nice."

"Nate graduated from college already. Justin's in jail. So is Jarvis, well, he's out again already. And Pervis."

"Pervis and Jarvis," he remembers.

"I can't remember a lot of the other names from that year," I admit. "And the ones from Pius, well, I see a lot of them, or their moms, at least, all the time at church."

"Sure."

"Didn't find John," I tell him what he wants to hear. "His brother, either. His mom's been married at least twice since I knew her. You know, you hope." I stop, reaching out for the coffee, for my drug of choice.

"He doesn't have a common last name," Mike says, and I don't know if it's to give me hope that I might find him, or dash it because I would have found him by now.

"I know. I'll look for him in a couple more years. He'll be in his 20s by then. I have this thing I wrote," I think back to the letter. I turn around to the computer like I'm going to find it, but I can't remember if I wrote it to Rachel or Marita or Desiree or someone else entirely. Maybe I only think I wrote it down and instead said it out loud to Bonnie at school?

"I said in it that even if I ran into him when he was 25 and I was in my 40s and we were at the grocery store and he recognized me, I'd never tell him I was the one to call DFS."

"Right," Mike remembers.

"I think I might tell him, maybe, someday, assuming I ever have the chance."

"Bridgett," he says, cautious.

"Nah. No point in it," I spin back around and look at him. "I'll look in a few more years. Who knows. I just kind of want to know if he's doing ok."

"I know." He does.

301/365 Cookie, Cookie

2009-07-31T03:45:00.002-05:00

"I found a cookie manager," I inform my former cookie manager.

"Already?" she sounds pleased and surprised.

"Yeah, down the street, Jane's mom."

"Ah, of course," she shakes her head. "She'll do it for a year?"

"I think. Except camp didn't go well for Jane this summer. I don't know how pleased she is with the girl scouts in general at this point."

"It's hard to keep people happy when you treat them so badly," she points out.

300/365 Disreputable HVAC Men

2009-07-30T07:36:00.000-05:00

"Who's been doing the servicing here?" the salesman come to give us a bid asks.

"Well, recently it's been [Company X], but we had [Company Y] out before, too."

"[Company Y], huh?" he looks around the outside AC unit. "Surprised they didn't tie you up and throw you in the river. They're not known for being, well, to put it bluntly, they're shifty."

"Huh," I think about Mike's impression of them, which matches his. "My husband will be glad to hear that. We had them out because they could come out in the middle of the night one hot week when the blower went out."

"Oh yeah, they probably said they could fix you up, right?"

"Right."

"You know what really gets me about those people? The little Christian fish on their trucks. What a crock."

"Yeah," I nod. I wait for him on the porch as he comes around up the steps. We go back inside and he sits at my counter with his calculator and blue pen and yellow pad of paper. I sit down at the other stool and listen to him talk.

"I mean, if they really lived up to those values, you know, maybe so, but they are so far from that," he shakes his head. "Now, about what we're bidding on here," he clicks the pen top and looks at me. "You ready?"

"Sure. How many thousands of dollars can I spend today?"

We both have to laugh, because it's true.

299/365 More Diamonds

2009-07-29T14:05:00.000-05:00

"So I took my set over to the jeweler we got it from," my sister-in-law is explaining. "But they wouldn't buy it."

"Huh. They couldn't just take the diamonds, even?"

"Well, the center is a pear shape and they said they just aren't in fashion."

"You'd think diamonds would be diamonds," I wonder aloud.

"Yeah, and he just put in another few thousand on some extra bands, just two years ago," she says ruefully. I blink at this, thinking about my little engagement ring in topaz and the thin band that fits together with it like a puzzle. I love my wedding set, but we paid in cash up front when he couldn't even afford air conditioning in his apartment. His band cost more than my set, by a long shot.

"What are you going to do?" I ask her, thinking about who I know, where I'd send her.

"They, and the other jeweler I went to, suggested ebay. I don't know. The girls, some people are suggesting I save it for them, have the diamonds reset for them, but I don't know. Would they appreciate that it was something their dad gave me? I think I should just sell it."

298/365 Diamonds

2009-07-28T06:51:00.002-05:00

"So I had this ring, you know, from the first marriage," my coffee friend J explains to Ann and me. She's twirling the current marriage's ring while she talks. "And I didn't want to just sell it, but I thought I'd do something with it. So I took it to [Jeweler**] and had them take a look at it."

"Oh yeah, downtown?" I remember going in looking for my engagement ring so long ago.

"Right," she continues. "and they told me how much it was worth and in the end I had them take that diamond and traded it for a pair of solitaire earrings."

Ann and I are both nodding at her.

"So I never wore them. They were from that ring even if they weren't technically the same stuff. It was because of that ring that I had them. And since they were just lying around, I thought, well, might as well get the cash for them. I can spend it on something, you know, that doesn't have memories attached."

"Like groceries," I suggest, trying to be lighthearted.

"Well, not even," she gives me a hard look. "I took them over to Robinson's over on Hampton, and the lady at the counter looked and looked at them and then took them in back. The jeweler came out and said he had to apologize, but they weren't diamonds."

Ann and I both gasp louder than we planned.

"[Jeweler] is where I got my engagement ring," Ann says first, and then I add "me too!"

"Well," J shakes her head. "I'm sure you're fine, you know, they can't get away with it again and again."

Ann looks down at her little diamond--from back in the day when she was teaching and her husband-to-be was in college. And mine, mine's a deep blue topaz. I wouldn't think there'd be a great trade in fake topaz.

"What are you going to do?" Ann asks her.

"What can I do? It's been like 12 years. I don't know who I talked to at [Jeweler] and the receipt is long gone. The man at Robinson's said he'd help out if he could, but I figure it just isn't worth it."

She takes a drink and looks at Ann with intent. "But I'm telling everyone I know, that's for sure."

**The jeweler in question is not Robinson's, just in case that isn't clear!

297/365 Corn on the Cob

2009-07-27T06:48:00.002-05:00

Mike comes into the kitchen with my grocery list. "Sophia said she doesn't want me in the yard all day and so I shouldn't grill the corn," he announces.

I look at him trying to decipher this. "Have you been in the yard all day?"

"No."

"Does Sophia realize it's already evening, that it's too late to be in the yard all day?"

"No, I think she meant it would take a long time to cook it on the grill."

"I could boil it," I offer.

"I prefer it on the grill."

296/365 Patron Saint of Biking?

2009-07-26T18:45:00.002-05:00

"Oh my God," I moan as I get up from my nap. Mike and I kind of pushed it on the bike ride.

"You feel like I do?" Mike calls from the computer room where he's watching something on hulu.

"Oh my God," I repeat, holding onto the wall.

"And we're out of ibuprofen," he announces, almost cheerfully.

"Oh my God."

"If you want," he sounds more concerned, "I'll go get you some."

I sit on the top step and move no further.

295/365 First Feis

2009-07-25T16:56:00.002-05:00

"Is this her first feis?" I ask the grandma next to me in the volunteer's t-shirt.

"Yes," she nods. "And she's fine, but I was so nervous I couldn't even sleep last night. Isn't that crazy?"

"No," I try to reassure her. "That was Sophie's first for me, too. Couldn't stop being nervous. She was fine."

"Well, my daughter's down there," she points. "Due any minute. This weekend, anyway. So I told her I'd work for her. The results room. Is it hard?"

"No," I think back to last year. "It does get busy, though."

"Oh," she puts her hand up to stop me. "It's time!"

We watch her granddaughter dance.

294/365 Closing my eyes at church

2009-07-24T16:40:00.002-05:00

Nursing Leo in the Utah Street vestibule in the back of church, my eyes shut to try to concentrate on what's being said:

"Spoken through the Prophets. We believe in one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Church. We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of--"

"Well, it's not my fault you decided to wet your pants!" comes the interruption. I don't recognize the mother's voice. The child says nothing I can hear. "I can't wait until you're potty trained." Sound of velcro. Sighing.

"--For the unemployed and underemployed, especially those--" the prayers of the faithful are going on somewhere in the rest of the church. Here in the vestibule, there is more diaper talk.

"You were just squishing around because you so wet."

A song begins. Offertory. Leo's falling asleep.

"Hi there!" another woman's voice, close to Leo's head. I open my eyes. "How old's your baby?" she asks. I don't know her.

"Six months," I reply as Leo wakes right up, stops nursing, and stares at her. Ah well. She walks back away, making me wonder why she was there in the first place. Maybe just to keep me from falling asleep.

293/365 Twinkie

2009-07-23T10:57:00.002-05:00

"Can she have a snack?" my dad asks me while Maeve appears to vibrate to pieces in excitement over the potential snack.

"Sure, whatever," I answer from the couch. My mom is convalescing and we're watching cable TV.

"Do you want a twinkie?" my dad offers her, reaching up into the top cabinet where he keeps all that junk food.

"What's a twinkie?" Maeve asks. She is hopping up and down.

"You don't know what a twinkie is?" he sounds astonished.

"She's never had a twinkie?" my mom asks me, a little surprised.

"I guess not, I mean, she's had other things." I don't even like twinkies that much. Why would I have them in the house?

My dad hands Maeve a twinkie, unwrapped for her. She takes a bite and skips around the kitchen.

"Almost five years old and she's never had a twinkie," he says. Like it's a sin.

292/365 Brain Sickness

2009-07-22T10:04:00.003-05:00

"Remember when Maeve had her brain sickness?" Sophia reminisces in the car on the way to swim camp.

"Yes," I say through gritted teeth. Traffic is bad this morning and this topic isn't my favorite.

"When the fire truck came, we thought it was a real fire!" Sophia had been visiting the neighbors when it happened.

"I know, honey. The fire truck came first because they were closest. But then they saw it was a medical emergency, so the ambulance came next." I glance in the rear view mirror at Maeve, looking out the window. "You don't remember any of that, do you Maeve." It isn't a question.

"I don't have that brain sickness anymore," Maeve sighs. "Now I have a cough."

291/365 Smug Bike

2009-07-21T01:45:00.002-05:00

"Should we turn around at the nature trail?" Mike yells up to me from his bike behind mine. "Take the trail and then loop back?" I'm pulling the trailer, with Leo and Maeve in it, and he's got Sophia on the kid tandem trail-a-bike.

"I wanted to do a full ten miles," I call back to him. "The trail is only at 3 and a half--I want to do more than that."

"Ok," he answers. We pedal a second.

"I'm the one with the trailer--35 pounds of Maeve, 18 of Leo, and the trailer itself. I guess I could slow down," I offer.

"Do I hear a bit of smugness?"

I glance back at him. Sophia isn't helping, really. Just enjoying the scenery.

"Yeah," I admit. "I guess so. Still though, let's turn at five."

290/365 Bike Polo

2009-07-20T10:31:00.002-05:00

"Did Colleen text you a picture from Denver?" Bevin asks on the phone.

"Nah, but my phone's been in my bag, so maybe." Denver. Oh yeah. "Is she there for that bike polo thing?"

"Yeah," she answers. "Just the weekend."

"I can't imagine playing bike polo up that high. She's going to be exhausted."

"I know. Did you see her legs when she was in town last?"

"The bruises?" I assume she means.

"Yeah. She said she's embarrassed to go out in public, you know, dressed up or anything."

"Dark tights. She should wear dark tights."

"I guess that's what you get for playing an extreme sport."

289/365 Dear Diary

2009-07-19T22:07:00.002-05:00

"What do people write in diaries?" Sophia asks, the diary Bevin gave her for Christmas sitting on her lap.

"What happened during the day?" I suggest.

"Things you want to do, things you think about," adds Mike. "Naturalists keep pictures and lists of plants and animals in diaries."

She sits back on the couch and opens up the book.

"What day was Christmas this past year, 2008?"

"December 25," I say flatly. She dates an entry that she wrote previously.

"Is December 12? I mean months?"

"Yes," I confirm.

"Some people use a diary to talk to someone, like if they're embarrassed or something, they can talk to the diary."

"Yes, that's true," I tell her.

"But it's only a book. It can't talk back. It can't help you."

She is so literal.

288/365 Plastic Bags

2009-07-18T22:04:00.002-05:00

"Don't put that plastic bag on your head," I call back to MAeve in the back seat. "I hate that I'm having this conversation," I say more quietly to Mike.

"It doesn't seem so strange, with Maeve, at least," he points out.

"Mom, before we go to art camp again, can we go to Blues City Deli first?" she asks, out of the blue.

I am going to say no, but then I just figure, oh, why not. "Sure, honey." If she goes back to art camp again, it won't be until next summer. She's holding up an empty bag of chips, which I now realize was the bag on her face. Crumbs.

"Good. Then I can take these for a snack!"

287/365 You Know How It Is

2009-07-17T07:55:00.002-05:00

"What you got there?" Mike taunts me. I'm standing on the back deck watching him clear debris from around the air conditioner. The new one comes soon.

I look down at my glass.

"I'm not drinking alone, because you're here," I rationalize.

"Oh sure," he doesn't believe me.

"Amaretto sour," I admit.

286/365 Laundry Solo

2009-07-16T04:49:00.002-05:00

"How was laundry?" Mike asks me while I put the clean clothes away in the tent.

"You know," I start to answer, zipping up the girls' suitcase. "This probably isn't a surprise, but I'm kind of a solitary person. I mean, I'm an extrovert and I love being with people. But I just needed to be alone, get something accomplished, and then come back to all of you."

"So it was good!" he sums up enthusiastically.

285/365 Of Course

2009-07-15T16:47:00.002-05:00

"What do you have?" Maeve asks the girl we're bringing home from Irish Dance camp.

"It's a sticker," she shows Maeve. "Everybody got something, a prize, today."

"What did you get?" I glance in my rear view mirror at Sophia.

"A bracelet," Sophia seems pleased. She digs it out of her bag. I can't see it, but she announces, "It says 'Made in China, Luck of the Irish'."

284/365 Twins

2009-07-14T20:13:00.002-05:00

"Did you have your girls first?" I ask the guy who's come to give us an estimate on the AC. He'd mentioned earlier that he had twin girls.

"Yeah. It made the boys, later, so much easier," he laughs. I have to agree. "When we would go to the grocery store, we used to have this stroller, you know, a twin, double stroller, but by the time they were 9 months old we got two umbrella strollers and my wife would take one and I'd take the other and we'd split the shopping in half."

"Why?" I take the bait.

"When you have twins in a stroller, everybody walks up to you and oohs and ahs and tells us all about their cousin in Omaha who has twins. 'That's great, lady, but I need to buy some groceries.'"

I laugh, but I think to myself, oh, I've done that.

283/365 Nothing in my head

2009-07-13T01:52:00.002-05:00

"There is nothing in my head," I announce as we head to the picnic area after our 5 mile hike at 9,000 feet. I've taken off the hiking boots and I'm just sitting in the truck letting the air blow on my face.

"That must be why Benedictines pray and work," Mike declares. "You work and you get the satisfaction of work completed, but you also get that semi-meditative state. Easier to pray when you're not thinking about anything else."

"Uh-huh," I agree. I have nothing to add.

282/365 Grocery Store Eschatology

2009-07-12T07:59:00.002-05:00

"DO you want a bag of ice?" the very tired looking cashier at the Safeway asks.

"I do, thank you," I reply, getting out my ATM card and running it while she rings my groceries. At the end, she hands me my receipt.

"Hon, your Safeway card didn't run," she says, puzzled.

"Oh," I flip my hand. "I'm not from here. I don't have one."

"But I thought," she stops, looking at my green sweatshirt with the various national park patches on the back. I have a Yosemite on one shoulder and it looks like a ranger's badge. "Oh. My mistake. I thought that was a park service uniform. Do you want to sign up for one anyway?"

"Nah, I'm only here a short time."

"Honey," she leans in closer. "We're all here only a short time. Next time you're in, fill out the form."

"Ok," I nod at her in the way I do when people catch me off guard. I take the groceries and put them in the cart.

"Don't forget your ice!"

281/365 Maeve's Dinner Plans

2009-07-11T07:58:00.001-05:00

"Maeve, why didn't you eat any of your dinner?" Mike asks after we're already on our way out of town.

"Oh," she starts to make something up. "I think I was asleep."

"Asleep?" Mike clarifies. "While you drank your chocolate milk?"

"I didn't eat my macaroni because I didn't like it," Sophia admits.

"I didn't like it either," agrees Maeve.

"But what about your chicken and dressing?"

"Oh," Maeve sighs, looking out the window. "I wanted to eat that last."

280/365 Refugees

2009-07-10T01:40:00.000-05:00

We sit in the shade of the pavilion, sweating.

"I don't think we'd make very good refugees," I mention to Mike, looking at all the neighbor kids eating ice cream.

"Nope. It would be Thurston and Lovey Fucking Howell," Mike answers.

279/365 Preachin

2009-07-09T01:04:00.004-05:00

Ann and I stand on the rectory front porch looking out at the parade getting ready to start right in front of church. She's holding Leo and I'm hypnotized by these giant balloon creations like sea anemones. There's a nice breeze and in the shade it's probably 85 degrees. Carnival atmosphere, but we're sort of watching from a distance.

"I liked the homily today," she says out of the blue.

"Yeah, it was good," I think back to it.

"It always is, of course."

278/365 Bourbon Slush

2009-07-08T02:58:00.003-05:00

I stand at my mother's fridge, idly browsing.

"Pudding cups?" I ask.

"I figure I'll eat them when I'm home after surgery," she explains. I move on to the freezer, where I see the large plastic container of what must be bourbon slush.

"Slush?"

"Made it last night and had a cup of it. Then I read that I'm not supposed to have alcohol for 48 hours before surgery."

"But that's ok--you still have 3 days to go."

"Right. But I was planning to have more."

I look over at her, not sure she's serious.

"I also made it hoping it would entice people to come over after the surgery."

"Oh, it'll get Bevin over here," I agree. "I'll be over after we're home again."

"And maybe your pastor," she laughs, thinking back to the baptism.

"Can I have some now?" I ask in a small voice.

"Oh, sure!"

I take it out and start spooning it up into a glass.

"It's not as strong as you're used to," she warns me. I use twice the bourbon she does.

"Oh, it'll be just fine," I reassure her. "You know Colleen uses my recipe, right?"

"Yes. I hear her friends liked it a lot."

"I hear they got sloppy drunk."

"Well, that's what you do with slush."

277/365 Leo Likeness

2009-07-07T02:53:00.003-05:00

"Who does he look like?" my mom asks, like everyone is asking.

"I'm convinced he looks like Dick," I answer, thinking of my baby pictures, my current profile, and my grandfather when he was young.

"I guess he does have kind of a Blake face," she scrutinizes him again.

"He looks like me, I think."

"Maybe."

"And I look like Grandpa Blake. It's been confirmed."

"Kind of that long forehead," she nods. "And the wide smile like your dad's. I should get his 3 year photo and take a look."

"He's definitely my side of the family. At least for now."

276/365 Cats and Marriage

2009-07-06T02:44:00.002-05:00

"How old is your dog?" Katie asks.

"She's 12. Getting up there."

"And the cats?" her daughter asks.

"The one there is a year and a half. The other two are 13."

"Wow," Katie seems impressed.

"Yep," I confirm. "They're as old as our marriage."

Happy Anniversary, Mike (and kitties)

275/365 More Facebook Mom

2009-07-05T01:41:00.003-05:00

"That's why I don't join, actually," I confess to her. "Mary joined and within minutes, all these folks she went to high school tried to friend her. I mean, if people want to find me, it's easy enough. I just don't need to rekindle a bunch of contacts."

"True," she agrees. "But what about your ex?"

"Oh," I flip my hand in the air. "I stalk him in my own way."

274/365 Facebook Mom

2009-07-04T01:36:00.003-05:00

"So I signed up for Facebook," my mom reminds me. I still laugh. "And I've started to kind of look for people, you know, from college."

"Oh yeah?"

"And I was looking for Diane, and I know her married name, and I typed it in, and 5 matches came up. I couldn't believe it. How many Diane Shropshires can there really be?"

I am reminded of Harold Shropshire suddenly, a boy in the first class I taught. But I just shake my head.

"I did find Eddie. Did you know about Eddie?"

"I know about Billy," I start. Eddie doesn't ring a bell. "Was he the one from Lebanon?"

"No, that was Nicky. No, Eddie was from Texas and he came up to visit one time with contact paper on his car, spelling out all sorts of peace slogans, you know. He didn't bring any shoes that trip." We both laugh.

"And you found him?"

"Yeah. Had kind of a weird look on his face. His photo was a professional shot, you know, and he looked almost angry." She pauses, thinking of it.

"Well, time passes."

"But he had a tie-dye shirt on. A silky tie-dye t-shirt."

"Oh."

"It made me glad I married your father."

273/365 Swim Lesson Wrap Up

2009-07-03T12:33:00.003-05:00

"Hi, Kelly?" I ask the young tan woman wrapped in a towel. "I'm Sophie's mom."

"Hi there," she says back to me.

"Hey, we're not going to be here Thursday but I was wondering if you thought Sophia was ready for the next level."

"Oh, most definitely," she answers.

"Great!"

272/365 Surgery

2009-07-02T02:28:00.003-05:00

"Well, anyway," I wind up what I've monologued on the phone to my mother. I'm the queen of the sticky conversation, frankly--especially on the phone. I don't let go. Who knows what I was talking about.

"I was talking to Ian last night," she begins anew.

"Oh, yeah? How is he?"

"He's fine. But I was telling him what I need to tell you, too, and that's that I'm having surgery on July 1."

"Oh good!" I say a little more exuberantly than I should. Definitely more than she expected. There's dead air on the phone. "On your knee, right? This is what you wanted, right?"

"Yes," she confirms.

"Not like brain surgery or a tumor or something."

"No, Bridgett. The doctor's going to replace my knee."

"Well, that sounds great!" But I'm still out of step.

"I'm just nervous about the general anesthesia. I haven't had it, you know, since I had my tonsils out."

"Oh, you'll be fine. I had it for my tonsils back in '98 and it was fine."

"Well, I'm just trying to wrap my head around it, you know. Dad wanted to know if I wanted to go to confession beforehand."

I laugh. It's knee surgery. Not like a heart machine and a respirator and an open chest or skull. "Oh, please," I tell her. My dad's a nurse by training. What's his deal.

"I know. I just think it's taking some time to sink in."

"Understandable."

271/365 God Watches Over Fools and Drunks

2009-07-01T02:21:00.001-05:00

"Did Mom tell you what happened to Dad?" Steve asks Mike while we're sitting in the living room after dinner.

"No, what now?"

"Well, he and Frankie were heading up to Canada to fish, and they stopped right before the border and Frankie took Dad's bag out and put it on the boat, you know, to get something else or whatever, and forgot to put it back. They pulled out of the gas station and when they got to the border checkpoint, it obviously was gone."

"Oh," I think about this sort of thing happening to me (because it would). "Did he lose a lot?"

"Well, his birth certificate was in there, his clothes, all kinds of stuff. But they still let him into Canada with just his license. And best of all--somebody found the bag and turned it in."

"I just can't believe that," I tell him. "It always works that way with him."

"I know!" Steve agrees. "I just hope they let him back into the U.S."

"Do you remember, when Maeve was born, and he and Frankie were out in the Dakotas and the truck broke down?" I reminisce, but Steve doesn't remember and it was before he was dating Mary. "He didn't call your mom. He was 3 days late and didn't bother to call her. She thought he was dead somewhere in a ditch."

We all laugh, thinking of Jeff and the things he's managed to escape. Nobody brings up the C1 broken neck or the time he talked down a grizzly bear, but those fits into this litany as well.

270/365 In My Blood

2009-06-30T12:14:00.002-05:00

"Actually, we each had a glass before we came over," Steve admits when Mike suggests a glass of wine or something else after dinner.

"Yeah," Mary agrees.

"Mary actually can take it better than I can," Steve continues. "I guess it's more in your blood."

"It is not," Mary protests. "No more than it's in yours!"

"Ah, now," Mike interrupts. "Mom used to drink strawberry daiquiris, after all."

"But Dad," Steve tries again.

"True," Mike concedes. "I don't think he's ever--"

"Wait a minute," I put my hand up. "I remember conversations with him and Randy and they were talking cars and motorcycles and--"

"Just because it goes hand in hand in your family," Mike shakes his head.

"Yeah," I sigh. "It isn't so much that it's in my blood as it's an IV drip from birth."

269/365 Outdoor Shopping

2009-06-29T06:56:00.000-05:00

"We could always head down to the other place, a few blocks away," Mike suggests. We're waiting for Sophia to finish with Kumon and have a half hour to kill. The bike shop was closed.

"Do you think they'll have bite valves?" I wonder. Maeve chews through the mouthpieces of the camelbak water backpacks all the time. We need more before we leave on the trip.

"Sure. They've got biking and hiking stuff."

So we head down in the sweltering heat towards the other outdoor recreation megastore. As we approach the parking lot, though, it looks empty.

"Do you think they're open?" I ask.

"The neon sign says so," he points out.

"But there's nobody here."

We approach. The sign on the door says they don't close until 9.

"See, open till nine," Mike says.

"Weird."

"They're not closed. They're just not good at their jobs." He thinks a moment. "Or they're really expensive."

"Or maybe nobody shops for hiking and biking stuff when it's 97 degrees."

"True."

268/365 Air Conditioning Guy

2009-06-28T08:54:00.001-05:00

"So I think the capacitor will get you through the summer," the repairman, younger than me, says as he hands me a clipboard to sign.

"That's great. We were hoping to make an informed decision in the fall instead of a panicked decision in July, you know?"

"Oh, sure," he agrees. "Be sure to call us, we've got some great deals with the tax credits and everything going on right now."

"Oh, we will."

"You know," he says conspiratorially, "your husband wants to do some fancy stuff."

"I know," I reassure him.